i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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