Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
