dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
