i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
