I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
