took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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