my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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