This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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