So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
