We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
