There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
