i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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