I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
