I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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