My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
