the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
