Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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