that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
