sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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