just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
