i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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