dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
