no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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