i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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