so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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