dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
