we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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