I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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