We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
