I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
