I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
