Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
is that a dick in a sweater?
A+ Viking dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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