we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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