He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
