oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I love having hate sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
