Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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