well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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