Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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