Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
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