I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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