So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
