I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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