I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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