at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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