I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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