You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
