just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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