I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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