she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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