dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
