Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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