worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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