Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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