I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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