I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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