why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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