Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
