Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
