She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
