Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
