3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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