I CAN MOONWALK!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
