Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?