How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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