i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk