yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
