The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
